Flannel Quarantine Diaries: Log Day 5
#COVID19 Social Distancing Log Day 03202020
Mood: Meh
It's been a month since my mom passed away. Technically, my siblings and I are orphans. My dad passed away in 2009 from lung cancer. My dad found out he had lung cancer in 2007 and the first thing I did was figure out how much longer he had to live. WebMD at the time gave him 2 to 5 years, he was turning 70 and was supposed to come to the states with my mom and nephew to have a family reunion and we were going to celebrate his birthday. Instead, he returned all their tickets and went to a hospital in Cebu and then had 80% of his left lung removed by a Dr. who told him he'd save his life. My sister, who's an oncology nurse, told my dad he should come back to the states and she'd take care of him. However, my dad was a narcissist and believed he knew better than my sister and wanted to live. He paid for hope. There's nothing wrong with that. If he had chemo and radiation instead of just removing most of his lung he may have had more than two years, but that's nor here nor there.
I miss my mom. Even though we were separated by 5000 miles and oceans and continents I knew if I wanted to visit her I could. Even though, I'd have to spend 16 to 30 hours on a plane to see her. COVID-19 happened at an awesome time in my life. I know, I know my life has been a dumpster fire. I did really need a break from my regularly programmed life. I know that my mom and dad were proud of me. They of course had plenty of commentary about how I was living my life not that I was gay, but I think my parents worried that I would be alone. Instead of giving me relationship advice, they taught me how to be fiercely independent: balance my checkbook, change a tire, darn a sock, cook, clean, and all the things I needed to know to take care of myself. I appreciated that they were so thoughtful. But, I also wondered why they didn't think I could maintain any long-term romantic relationships?
I'm fine. Everything is fine. I haven't left the house in a couple of days, so I'm doing my part to help save the world. No, really, I'm doing well. Just trying to figure out if I've been living my life right. If not, what do I need to do differently? Cheers.
.jpg)
Comments