Lent 2025 Day 36: The Ticket to Ride
- Flannel Diaries
- Apr 15
- 4 min read
“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” —Maya Angelou
Let me keep it real with y’all: I’ve experienced some hard moments in relationships, but I’ve also been blessed to share incredible ones with some truly amazing women. That deserves to be said upfront.
That said… yeah, I’ve been kind of a jerk in my younger days. And when I’m unhappy in a relationship, I can be a lot. I know that about myself. But I try to show up as honestly and openly as I can. I’ve learned to be clear with my intentions from the start. If I say, “I’m not looking for a relationship,” I mean exactly that. It is not code for “please try to change my mind.” I’m not sending mixed signals. I’m just trying not to waste anybody’s time—including my own.
"Jerry Maguire" ruined an entire generation with that “You complete me” line. Healthy relationships aren’t about finding someone to fill your empty spaces. They’re about two whole-ass people choosing to build something together. If I ever go into something thinking, “Maybe she’ll change,” I already know I’ve messed up. That’s not love. That’s fantasy.
I’m not a fan of dishonesty. Deception erodes trust, and once that’s gone, what are you even doing? If I’m into someone, they’ll know. If I feel unwanted, I leave. That’s it. I don’t stick around where I’m not welcome. I’ve got my dignity, and I don’t play the desperation game. If someone doesn’t want me, I’m not chasing. I’ll catch the message the first time, thanks.
But if I’m in it with you, I’m all in. I’ll work hard to make it work. I’ll exhaust every reasonable option before walking away. What I don’t do anymore is go back to a relationship once it’s ended. Break up, make up, break up again? Nah. I’m too grown for that emotional roller coaster.
I don’t believe in settling just to not be alone. If I’m with someone, it’s because they add something real to my life. Kindness is non-negotiable. Give me someone who wants to make the world a better place, who values justice and community, who can see underneath my armor. Someone secure enough to challenge me and strong enough to grow with me. I don’t need to be fixed or taken care of. I just want someone to share space with—someone I want in my life, not someone I need in it to feel whole. That’s not love. That’s co-dependence. I’m good on my own. I’m hilarious, I’m interesting, and I play a lot of golf. I know how to enjoy my own company.
I don’t date to break hearts. I date because I genuinely enjoy women—their company, their energy, their wisdom, their joy. And I learn something new about myself in every connection. I’m always growing. I’ve made mistakes, but I try not to make the same one twice. And if I do? It means the first lesson didn’t stick. Like a fine wine (or a well-aged scotch), I truly believe I get better with time.
I’ve fallen in love a few times, and I think everyone should. Falling in love is part of the human experience. It's like a roller coaster ride. Sometimes it’s magic. Sometimes it makes you want to throw up. Sometimes it’s both in the same ride. But it’s worth it. Every single time.
Even if I’m not sure I’ll be a better partner as I get older, I do know what I want—and more importantly, what I can give.
I still have those moments where I think, Yeah, it would be nice to have someone to share all of this with. All the wins. All the weirdness. All the late-night snacks and early morning coffee. I want to cheer someone on. I want someone to see me—all of me—and still choose to stay. Maybe someday. Maybe never. Either way, I’m okay.
It is what it is.
But if it does happen? Let it be like Ruth said—“Where you go, I’ll go.” That’s the love I’m holding out for. Not perfect. But honest. Mutual. Rooted in choice.
Lenten Reflection: Choosing with Intention
“But Ruth said, ‘Do not press me to leave you or to turn back from following you! Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God.’” – Ruth 1:16 (NRSV)
Lent is a season of truth-telling. Of letting go of the illusions we cling to and being honest about what we really need—and what we’re really offering.
🌿 Am I showing up as a whole person in love—or just hoping someone else will complete me?
🌿 Am I letting my fear of being alone keep me in half-hearted connections?
🌿 Do I trust that love, when it’s real, is rooted in choice—not codependence?
This season, let’s clear the way for the kind of love that says, I choose you—not to fix me, but to walk beside me. Let’s become the kind of people we’d want to walk beside, too.
📖 More reflections: flanneldiaries.com
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