Cumberbund's Top 5 Reasons NOT to Marry

I was reading an article "18 Celebs Get Real About Not Getting Married," and it got me to thinking about my own issues with marriage. As a Renaissance butch, who believes in old school chivalry (not the oppressive keep the woman captive chivalry). I'm also a very staunch feminist, so it seems a little counter intuitive to seek equal partnership and some form of old school butch thrown in, too. The whole fairy tale story prince and princess bit, really ruined if for girls and boys. Girls need to be saved and boys need to save the girls, it's kind of a big responsibility to fulfill those two very limited roles. I think it's best we create our own fairy tales and not be victims or saviors, but just maybe be our own heroes, or sheroes to each other.

Like the picture says, "Don't look for a princess in need of saving. Search for a Queen willing to fight by your side." I'm more than happy to fight dragons, climb thousands of stairs, and give kisses that break evil curses. I also need the woman I'm going to spend my life with to do the same, for me. Is it out there? Is it possible for a butch lesbian to not fall into the role of being the one to hold doors open, and ruin my jacket to cover up mud puddles? Who does that?

I may have a very twisted idea of what relationships are supposed to look like. I'm still trying to break the idea that I'm supposed to always be the strong and stable one, that fixes everything. I'm pretty good in that role, but it's kind of exhausting. There has to be a healthy balance, right?

Getting back to the fear of marriage thing. I'm going to blame my father, even though I'm in my midlife (early 40s) I still feel it's so deeply embedded in me, it doesn't matter how much rooting around my therapist tries to dig it out, it wants to stay buried in me. The only time it comes out is when the topic comes up and I freak the fuck out. I know this isn't just me. There has to be others out there who aren't all on the gay marriage band wagon. I like cake, and I'll eat it whenever I want, I don't need a wedding to eat cake. I know. I know. It's not about the cake. It's about the girl.

Here are my top five reasons for not getting married:

1. Financially it would not be beneficial to become legally bonded to another. I'll have to pay too much in taxes. Nope.

2. Why would I need a piece of paper to tell me I'm committed to a person? I just decide that I am and that's it.

3. I think people get confused between a wedding and a marriage. I'm skipping the wedding and straight to just being in a committed relationship without the catering and large wedding bills; that's very European.

4. I've already had one failed engagement. Which I'm not sure how I even talked myself into that one.

5. Marriage doesn't mean to me what it means to everyone else. I just can't explain what it is, it just is.

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