1. Researchers from University of Warwick and Dartmouth College discovered that happiness supposedly follows a U shaped curve. Our happiness is higher towards the beginning and towards the end of our lives. Whhhaaattt? That mid-life thing is supposed to be a myth, however this data proves that when we are in our 40's we're less happy. Now I just have to wait out the bottoming of my happiness U. My upswing will begin when I'm 50. So, what am I supposed to do for the next 8 years?
2. Pride in the Twin Cities was this past weekend. That was fun. I realized that pride is for those who are willing to brave the heat, crowds, and weird public restroom adventures. There's more to that story, for another time. Let's just say it wasn't a good adventure.
3. My partner doesn't think the words "pretty bracelet" should come out of my mouth, in reference to myself wearing a pretty bracelet. Why can't I wear a pretty bracelet? I can wear a pretty bracelet. Mostly I was referring to my new watch, that looked like a pretty bracelet. Its watch face is much smaller than my other watches. There's that.
4. I found the best tasting gummy bears. They are made by Happy Yummies. How can you go wrong with that? They are actually called "World's Best Tasting Gummies." If you do find them and get a chance to try them, let me know what you think in the comment section below.
5. Sometimes Cumberbund Vanderbutch has some "poor me, poor me" days and then the next day I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with having bad days. Because, when you have a good day, you'll know the difference; hopefully, you'll know you're having a better day than yesterday.
I was reading an article "18 Celebs Get Real About Not Getting Married," and it got me to thinking about my own issues with marriage. As a Renaissance butch, who believes in old school chivalry (not the oppressive keep the woman captive chivalry). I'm also a very staunch feminist, so it seems a little counter intuitive to seek equal partnership and some form of old school butch thrown in, too. The whole fairy tale story prince and princess bit, really ruined if for girls and boys. Girls need to be saved and boys need to save the girls, it's kind of a big responsibility to fulfill those two very limited roles. I think it's best we create our own fairy tales and not be victims or saviors, but just maybe be our own heroes, or sheroes to each other.
Like the picture says, "Don't look for a princess in need of saving. Search for a Queen willing to fight by your side." I'm more than happy to fight dragons, climb thousands of stairs, and give kisses that break evil curses. I also need the woman I'm going to spend my life with to do the same, for me. Is it out there? Is it possible for a butch lesbian to not fall into the role of being the one to hold doors open, and ruin my jacket to cover up mud puddles? Who does that?
I may have a very twisted idea of what relationships are supposed to look like. I'm still trying to break the idea that I'm supposed to always be the strong and stable one, that fixes everything. I'm pretty good in that role, but it's kind of exhausting. There has to be a healthy balance, right?
Getting back to the fear of marriage thing. I'm going to blame my father, even though I'm in my midlife (early 40s) I still feel it's so deeply embedded in me, it doesn't matter how much rooting around my therapist tries to dig it out, it wants to stay buried in me. The only time it comes out is when the topic comes up and I freak the fuck out. I know this isn't just me. There has to be others out there who aren't all on the gay marriage band wagon. I like cake, and I'll eat it whenever I want, I don't need a wedding to eat cake. I know. I know. It's not about the cake. It's about the girl.
Here are my top five reasons for not getting married:
1. Financially it would not be beneficial to become legally bonded to another. I'll have to pay too much in taxes. Nope.
2. Why would I need a piece of paper to tell me I'm committed to a person? I just decide that I am and that's it.
3. I think people get confused between a wedding and a marriage. I'm skipping the wedding and straight to just being in a committed relationship without the catering and large wedding bills; that's very European.
4. I've already had one failed engagement. Which I'm not sure how I even talked myself into that one.
5. Marriage doesn't mean to me what it means to everyone else. I just can't explain what it is, it just is.
On early Sunday morning a lone gun man with hate in his heart and murder on his mind entered Pulse Nightclub at 2:00am armed with several rounds of ammunition (high capacity magazines) began firing his Sig Sauear MCX semi-automatic assault rifle and a 9mm glock handgun. Three hours later, just after 5:00am once all the wounded were taken to the nearest hospital; there in the club on the dance floor, lounge, and restroom laid 49 black and brown LGBTQ bodies, riddle with multiple gun shots. Beautiful, beautiful black and brown bodies. Humans who wanted nothing more than to watch drag queens perform at Latino night and drink some drinks and dance and dance.
I'm trying to wrap my mind around the level of casualties and dead, including the shooter. We live in a war torn world where hate seems to be the key ingredient to mass shootings. It's easier to hate, but, if you believe in God and Jesus, I think they would want you to choose love every time. It seems after every mass shooting we mourn, bury the bodies, and have candle light vigils. Nawww...that's not how Cumberbund's gonna roll. We aren't going to just lay down once again and wait for the next mass shooting. Something has to change, soon. No more lives need to unnecessarily die in America's culture war.
Don't ever stop dancing.
Stanley Almodovar III, 23 years old
Amanda Alvear, 25 years old
Oscar A Aracena-Montero, 26 years old
Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33 years old
Antonio Davon Brown, 29 years old
Darryl Roman Burt II, 29 years old
Angel L. Candelario-Padro, 28 years old
Juan Chevez-Martinez, 25 years old
Luis Daniel Conde, 39 years old
Cory James Connell, 21 years old
Tevin Eugene Crosby, 25 years old
Deonka Deidra Drayton, 32 years old
Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez, 31 years old
Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25 years old
Mercedez Marisol Flores, 26 years old
Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz, 22 years old
Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22 years old
Paul Terrell Henry, 41 years old
Frank Hernandez, 27 years old
Miguel Angel Honorato, 30 years old
Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40 years old
Jason Benjamin Josaphat, 19 years old
Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, 30 years old
Anthony Luis Laureanodisla, 25 years old
Christopher Andrew Leinonen, 32 years old
Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21 years old
Brenda Lee Marquez McCool, 49 years old
Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez, 25 years old
Kimberly Morris, 37 years old
Akyra Monet Murray, 18 years old
Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo, 20 years old
Geraldo A. Ortiz-Jimenez, 25 years old
Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36 years old
Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32 years old
Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, 35 years old
Enrique L. Rios, Jr., 25 years old
Jean C. Nives Rodriguez, 27 years old
Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, 35 years old
Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz, 24 years old
Yilmary Rodriguez Solivan, 24 years old
Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34 years old
Shane Evan Tomlinson, 33 years old
Martin Benitez Torres, 33 years old
Jonathan Antonio Camuy Vega, 24 years old
Juan P. Rivera Velazquez, 37 years old
Luis S. Vielma, 22 years old
Franky Jimmy Dejesus Velazquez, 50 years old
Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37 years old
Jerald Arthur Wright, 31 years old
The best way we can honor them is to live our own lives, without fear, out and proud. In the words of Harvey Milk, which was recorded in case he was ever assassinated -- what forethought -- said, "If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door in the country."
In honor of the 49 lives lost in Orlando, Harvey Milk, and every LGBTQ person who has died because of hate and bigotry. We see you. We hear you. We love you! Let there be peace in the world, and let it begin with me.
Namaste